The Burning Wings - Part II

Sometimes you need to break yourself to realize your own strength. Only then you know the wings that you already have.

It was after her father’s death when Vasu started to change. She grew up before her age had allowed her to. She wasn’t always that child who would hang her head down and do as her mother would say. She was not a lamb but a spitfire. But after her father’s death, nothing remained the same and neither did she.

Her father had gone out to bring ice-cream that night because Vasu was too stubborn to listen otherwise. She had insisted and then thrown a tantrum that eventually made her father finally give up. That night when he stepped out of the home, he didn’t return and what came was the news that he was never going to come back either. Because her father was dead. Stuck by a truck and bled to death on the road inside his car.

Vasu never made demands again. In fact, she did what her mother asked her to. Without complaints or any resistance. Guilt. It was her fault that her father died that night, she always thought. Had she not made such ridiculous demand, her father would have still been here. So she stopped making demands. She did things that will make her mother happy. She never denied her mother even if her guilt made her do things against her heart.

For years Vasu blamed herself for her father’s death. The pain was killing her; the agony had her living in vain. And then Aditya entered her life.

It was silly but Vasu felt like it was the new beginning of her fairy tale. Aditya was a force to reckon with. For the first time after her father’s accident, Vasu was happy. Aditya brought her happiness back. He taught her to live again. She loved him, too much. He eased her pain, made her believe it wasn’t her fault. After years of agony, he brought laughter back into her life.

But then her mother asked her to marry her best friend’s son, Anish. Vasu had begged her, cried on her feet not to make her do it. But her mother berated her for falling in love with a guy from her college. According to her mother, Aditya wouldn’t have given her the security that Anish would. The status, the money, the properties in so many cities would provide for her.

Not that Aditya was short on money. But Vasu wasn’t going to take his dreams away from him. He wanted to go abroad and get experience from around the world so that he could start his own firm here. Vasu wanted to stop him but she couldn’t bind him either. He wanted the world for her but at the expense of time that she didn’t have. So she let him go. She let go of her own little world that she had dared to dream.  

Now that she looked back, she realized what a fool she was. How come she never realized that she should have followed her heart, not her mother?

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Vasu whispered, still in shock. Malini looked like she was ready to throttle something, may be her own mother.

“Huh, I don’t want to listen to your stupid excuses. Anish is on his way. I want you to resolve this matter with him.”

“I will do no such thing.” Vasu shot back at her.

“Just like your father. He…”

“Oh for God’s sake, Ma! Did it never occur to you that rather than cursing father for dying upon us, you could have worked, too? If only you’d thought that I wouldn’t have to marry a stranger for the sake of fucking ‘security’.”  

Vasu never swore. But it felt liberating at that time. Her mother looked at her as if watching her for the first time.

Vasu stood up and left the room, tears still running down her face. How long had it been since she had cried? Yeah, almost five years since…

“Umph...” Vasu didn’t realize her mistake until she lost her footing and stumbled down the stairs.

***

Woman, you do have wings. Burning though they are. Now you need to decide, whether to let your burning wings turn into ashes or set more fire to them and conquer the sky.

Vasu’s petite form landed on the floor with a thump. She opened her bleary eyes when the cat, all seven pounds of squirming flesh, climbed onto her belly. Squinting into the sunlight streaming in from the open window, she discovered that she was now the weary possessor of a pounding headache, and at some point, had managed to lose both a tooth and a spouse.

And that very moment did she realize that finally, she was free.

Next day Vasu opened her eyes and found herself on a hospital’s bed. The next thing that registered in her mind was Aditya sitting near her bed holding her hand in both of his. She closed her eyes and opened them again. Am I dreaming?

“No, you’re not,” Aditya whispered with a low chuckle. Vasu’s eyes widened in shock when she realized he was there for real.

“How…?”

“Aditya has been in touch with me for the past few months since his return,” Malini answered from the other side of her bed.

“I don’t understand.” Vasu’s hoarse voice came out like a whisper.

Malini smiled at her sister and said, “You have sacrificed everything for something that wasn’t even your fault. Bringing your only love back into your life was the least I could have done.” She bent and kissed Vasu on her forehead.

Vasu’s eyes clenched and tears ran down her face. May be she didn’t hide her misery as well as she had thought. Vasu opened her eyes with a thankful smile to her sister. But soon a knock broke their moment.

She turned to see Anish at the door holding the doorknob as if holding on to his life. She nodded to her sister who sighed and left the room. But not before shooting daggers at Anish with her eyes.

Anish shook his head and entered the room, slightly hesitant. Before he could utter a word, Vasu started speaking.

“You could have saved us both five years ago, Anish. You didn’t need a life partner then, you needed a business partner. Had you made that clear, life would have been different now.”

“God, Vasu,” Anish sighed, “I never wanted to hurt you. Not like this.”

“Right, I don’t deserve this,” Vasu replied calmly.

“I swear I never meant anything to happen like this. But I never loved you. And after a year of marriage, you too drifted apart. And we didn’t have kids, either…”

“Because I was smart enough not to introduce a child into our world of deception.”

“What?” Anish was surprised to hear that.

“What? Are you going to be mad at me for not giving you a child?” Vasu let out a mirthless laugh.

“I… I don’t know…” Anish looked at her then at Aditya with wide eyes. It was then Vasu realized that Aditya was still holding her hand. She pulled her hand out of his grasp and ignored the frown that marked his face.

Vasu looked back at Anish and sighed, “We never had that intimacy, Anish. We just had sex, as if it was an everyday chore. I didn’t think you wanted a child and you never said either. What else was I supposed to do? So thank me for not binding you to me forever.”

Anish pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. Lots of mistakes had happened on his part. But this revelation still felt like a shock to him. There was no use of dragging this lie anymore. He took a deep breath and looked at Vasu. “I have fallen in love with her. Her name is Kajal.”

Vasu gave him a genuine smile. “Good for you.”

He nodded and said, “I guess I’ll file the divorce then. I am sor…”

Vasu didn’t let him finish. “Believe me, Anish, you’ll be doing me a favour.”

Anish smiled lightly. “I hope you won’t leave the firm.”

Vasu chuckled at him. “Don’t take me for a fool Anish, do you think I will give up my years of hard work just like that? No, I am not resigning and you sure as hell can’t fire me. In fact, I want you to give me the villa here.” Aditya suppressed his chuckle. This was the Vasu he knew.

“What?” Anish stared at her in disbelief.

Vasu grinned. “It’s the least you could do for cheating on me.”

“Where has this fire come from, Vasu?” Had I seen it before, I might have fallen in love with you. Anish didn’t add the last part but chuckled all the same.

Vasu’s expression sobered at that. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant for you then.” She then looked at Aditya who had been silent throughout this whole conversation.

“Fine. I’ll include that in the papers.” Anish shook his head in wonder. He left the room after he nodded at her one last time when Vasu’s eyes met his again.

“It’s glad to see that you are still you,” Aditya said, finally breaking his years' long of silence.

Vasu smiled and lots of liberating thoughts struck her mind all at once. But one thing that made it out was, “I’m glad that I’ve found myself again.”

Aditya looked at her with love shining through his eyes. “So now what?”

“I just got my wings back, Aditya. I can’t let anyone bind me again.” Vasu said softly while meeting his gaze.

Aditya smiled then took her hand again in his. “I concurred that. You are still you, Vasu but you are something new too.”

Pride. That was what she saw in Aditya’s gaze and felt a sense of happiness blooming in her heart. While she might have lost a husband, few years of her life but it was worth it. In this journey, she found herself back again.

“I still love you.” She simply said.

“And I love you.” Aditya didn’t need to say but he did anyway. “You fly, Vasu. And then conquer that sky. And I’ll be right here. Waiting to hold you, when you need me to be.”

For the first time in her life, Vasu realized that unique sense of freedom. For the first time, she got to know the power that she held. She had finally got what she’d longed for. The caged bird was finally set free.

***