Do you love me? - Part II

Love is dangerously beautiful. But sometimes this love is too dangerous to destroy something beautiful.

I spend the whole day mulling over that text messages again and again. It must have been Nikhil who dropped that message with an unknown number that I am sure of. But why? Why would he do that again after all this time? After what had happened that night…

Even thinking about that time makes me shiver with dread. I have never in my whole life felt that scared. Much to my heart’s disappointment, my mind still remembers that night with every tiny detail and much glorious dread.

It was the day of my birthday, a few months ago and for the first time, my family was not with me to celebrate it. Both my parents and my elder sister, Nidhi had gone to a distant relative’s stupid wedding. And little old me was stuck in there in my office working on a very important deal and making my boss a lot happier than he already was. Not that I was thrilled about that wedding but I was missing my family. Because, hey, no girl wants to be away from her family on her birthday.

And it wasn’t just that. I always secretly wanted to explore the new world on my own so when my boss offered me a job to work in New York, I couldn’t have been happier. I think my dad-like boss made that offer on the same day as my birthday because he knew that would make it okay for him not to accept my leave application. God bless that poor soul, he is indeed a great man.

Because it totally worked. My spirits lifted in no time and now I was missing my family for a totally different reason. I wanted to share this great news with them but there they were, enjoying that stupid, stupid wedding.

But then again, I wasn’t exactly alone. There he was, my partner in crime, my best friend, and the guy I grew up with – Nikhil. My Nick.

It was Nick who called me that day and said he has a surprise for me. Little did I know it was going to be the biggest shock of my life.

There was no doubt that I grabbed the opportunity that my boss offered with all the glee. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I was still hesitating to go far away from my family.

With all these thoughts I stepped out of my office that day and stumbled directly into two strong arms. The arms of my best friend who have always had my back.

Nick was my saviour or at least that’s what I used to think until that night.

That night everything went downhill when he asked that question that I never thought would come out of his mouth.

‘Do you love me, Agatha? Because I love you like crazy.’

And crazy he was, indeed. Because just when I uttered a no in response, all hell broke loose.

He became fierce in no time and tried to cage me in between his body and a wall and the evil glint that I saw in his eyes that night, it left me with no doubt that in all these years, my best friend was left somewhere behind. And in his place stood a monster that was ready to shred me into pieces.

He was like ice and fire that night. One second he was forcing me to declare my non-existent love for him and the other second he started apologizing for behaving like that.

All my instincts told me to get away from him. So I did. I have seen enough movies and read enough novels to know what could happen in these situations. I reacted like it was nothing and made my way to my home with a pit of dread in my stomach.

The next few days, until my family arrived, were the most horrible days of my life. Because then Nick started showing all signs of being a stalker. When I am leaving for office, he was there insisting that I let him drop me. When I am done at work, he would be there taking me back to my home. And I was so scared that I didn’t dare say no to him.

He became from being my best friend to being my stalker.

When my family finally arrived and I recounted everything about the past few days to my sister, I felt like a mountain was lifted away from my shoulders. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that part of my reason to come to New York was Nikhil.

Having a stalker is scary enough. Add him being a person who has a free pass to come and go as he wishes to your home is something way beyond scary.

So I did what I thought was best at that time. I packed my bags and left everything behind. Left my best friend, Nick behind.

And here I am now. In New York, amidst the strangers and still, the person I am most afraid of is someone I knew all my life. Again scared to my very bones.

“Agatha?”

I startle with a shriek and look behind me at Alice who is frowning heavily.

“Girl, you are so jumpy today.”

I shake my head at her. “I guess I’m just not feeling great today.”

Alice still looks at me with a concerned face and then starts speaking. “Go home then, we are done with the work and office hours will end soon anyway.”

“Yeah, I think I should just do that.” I give her a smile and start packing my things.

“Hey, Agatha?”

“What?” I look at her with raised brows to which she grins in response.

“I’m having a small Halloween party at my home tomorrow. You must come.”

I start to laugh and shake my head. “No can do.”

“Why? It’s fun!”

“Am I supposed to get dressed in a weird way then?”

Alice looks at me like I just committed the biggest sin of my life by asking that question. “It’s Halloween! A costume party needs you to do exactly that.”

I chuckle at her horrified face and after a few seconds, she joins me too. “C’mon, I didn’t take you for a scared little girl. In fact, it was just another day that I saw you reading that scary novel in your free time.”

“Oh, I’m usually not this spooked. And the novel you are talking about is the one to blame. I had this nightmare that left me all bummed out.”

Alice laughs and then starts making those puppy eyes at me. “Please come, Agatha. I could really do with a couple of hands of help.”

 “You just want me there for help, don’t you?”

She pulls a face at me and then grins back. “I know you’ll come. Tell you what? Let’s have a sleepover at my place after the party. That will shed off your jittery nerves. In fact, come sooner so we could get ready together. I’ll arrange the costume for you.”

I shake my head with a grin on my face. It’s hard to say no to her since she had done so much for me in all this time since I came here. 

 “That’s great. Let’s do that.” She squeals with excitement and hugs me tightly.

***

There comes a time when you have to bury something or someone against your heart. But it is not always that easy to get rid of the skeletons buried deep inside your closet. They might find their way back to you.

Alice has done a great job to refresh my mood with her joyful chatter. After I accepted her invitation to her Halloween party, she dragged me to the break room and started making plans for tomorrow over a cup of coffee. Her excitement soon rubbed off on me as well and I realized that I too have a party bone in my back.

With a big smile on my face, I step out of my office, and as soon as I step out on the street, I am filled with a sense of déjà vu.

I should have known that Nikhil just won’t go away. Stalkers never do. They sneak up on you. It is like my birthday all over again. The only difference is that I am not engulfed in his arms this time and neither is he grinning widely.

We both look at each other for what felt like hours but are just a few seconds in real.

“Agatha, can we talk?”

The same shadow crosses his face that I saw in noon and now I know it was real. He looks pale and has bags under his eyes. Suddenly my mind races to the thought of his slitted writs and I shiver. I might be scared of him but he still is… was my best friend once. He was a great guy once upon a time. I know that I should be careful but he is looking at me with such sadness in his eyes that just starts to melt my heart.

I give out a loud sigh and nod at him. I will give him this one chance to talk and that’s all. And I would do that in a nearby café. There’s no way I am gonna let him know where I live.

We enter a small café, Jerry’s that is just around the corner of my office. Alice is still at the office so if things go wrong I can call her and she’ll be here in a jiffy. With that thought, I take a seat at one of the corner tables.

Nikhil takes a seat in front of me and rests his hand on the table, lacing the fingers of his hands together. Like a moth to the flame, my eyes are drawn towards his writs where I can see those bloody marks again. The skin looks red around those marks that confirm my suspicion of these marks being recently made.  

Would he really do that to himself?

I shudder at the thought of that kind of pain.

A waiter comes to our table and wishes me a good evening and hands over the menu to me. It’s strange that he didn’t have one for Nikhil. But the café is small so maybe…

I shake my head from thinking much and rattle off my order and for Nikhil as well. I don’t realize I ordered for Nikhil until I see a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Habits are not easy to break, I guess.

I shake my head and look at the waiter with a smile. “That’ll be all.” The waiter looks at me with a funny face and repeats the order as if I don’t know what I ordered just now.

“Two cappuccinos and two grilled cheese sandwiches?” He looks between me and Nikhil with still that funny look on his face.

I don’t know what’s wrong with this guy but he is getting on my nerves now. So I clear my throat and confirm the order. He must have seen the stern look on my face because then he traps his mouth shut and finally leaves us alone.

Strange guy.

I look back at Nikhil who is, in turn, staring at me with a smile on his face. “You look pissed.”

Okay, I really am not interested in making small talk here. So I come to the point, “Why are you here, Nikhil? And what did you want to talk about?”

The Nikhil that I saw a few moments ago on the street gets vanished right before my eyes and now I am sitting here facing the same monster that he was that horrible night.

“You left me.”

“What?” I can’t help but shout.

“How could you leave me behind like that?”

“I didn’t leave anyone, Nikhil.”

“You ran away. Away from me.”

 “No, I’m here for a job that I love so much. I couldn’t let go of such a great opportunity.” Maybe I shouldn’t have used the word ‘love.’

“Love? What about me, Agatha? I love you too. So maybe I shouldn’t let you go either.” His eyes fill with that evil glint that I hoped I would never see again.

A cold shiver runs through my spine and every hair on my body stands in attention. I am so scared at this moment that I could taste the fear running through my veins. All my instincts, my gut, my mind and heart, all of them are shouting at me to run away. To run away from him.

But he wouldn’t harm me, would he?

I can’t pacify him anymore. I need to give it to him straight. I really hope that this will stop him from coming back to me again. I swallow back the fear and meet his gaze with every ounce of strength that I can muster. “I’m not yours to let go, Nikhil.”

And with that, I run.

***

Sometimes the ghosts of your past are too strong to let your present be free.

I wake up with a jolt. Again! It seems like it is becoming my morning ritual. I groan and look at my bedside watch to see it is still early in the morning.

Great! I don’t have office today but my body still decided to wake up at freaking six in the morning. Where was my internal clock yesterday morning?

After running away from Nikhil last evening, I made sure that I wasn’t being followed and came straight to my flat. After a long shower, I wrapped myself in my best pajamas and buried myself under the heaps of duvets on my bed. The good thing is I didn’t have any nightmares like last night despite me being all scared and spooked by the incidents of yesterday.

My phone chimes beside the clock on the nightstand and suddenly I am unnerved again. I look at my phone with furrowed brows and make a quick prayer that I don’t have any more messages from him while reaching out to pick it up.

There are not.

I take a breath full of immense relief and read the message from Alice again.

Please be there at 10 AM. I need you. Xoxo

I chuckle at her message and keep the phone aside. It’s good that I woke up early I guess.

By the time Alice and I finish getting ready, it is already seven in the evening. And from the noise coming from the outside, I guess people have already started coming. She went easy on me and got me dressed in an angel’s costume with a beautiful satin white gown and a sheer cape along with a halo that is attached to the headband she made me wear. The wings were getting in the way, so I skipped it.

I look at myself in the mirror and nod with appreciation. For my first Halloween, I look decent enough. If not for the splash of blood red on my dress here and there, I might have looked better. I roll my eyes at myself in the mirror with a grin.

“You are looking beautiful,” Alice says from behind me and hands over a tube of lipstick. It’s blood red. Perfect!

We make our way outside with bright smiles adorning our face. Mine looks like I just had blood for a drink while Alice looks pure evil with lips painted in black.

I see some people in my office and join them while Alice goes off on her host duty with her boyfriend, Jake.

“Hey, Agatha, do you know what happens on Halloween?” One of my colleagues, Bryan, asks me with a bemused face.

Though I know what Halloween is, I humor him with a shake of my head saying, “No. Please do tell.”

People around us laugh and then Bryan starts speaking, “It is said that the veil between the two worlds becomes thin on this night.”

“Which two worlds?” I pipe in between with all the fake innocent expression that I can.

He bends down so I can hear him better since the whole area is flooded with loud music.  

“The boundary between this world of the living and the world on non-living becomes thin tonight. So you better stick with me, sweetheart. Wouldn’t want ghosts having a chance at you.” He winks at me that just make me laugh.

After an hour or so, I stop dancing and make my way to the drinks. Dancing was fun but it has made me a lot thirsty. I pick up a glass that is filled with water and gulp it down in mere seconds. Just when I am about to keep the glass down, my cell phone starts ringing in the pocket of my dress.

I take it out of my pocket and a big smile comes to my face. It’s been too long since I have talked to Nidhi. It seems like my sister is missing me as well.

I make my way inside the home since there’s no way we would be able to talk amidst this much noise. I enter a room that looks empty and connect the call.

“Nidhi! It’s been so long.” I think I just shrieked in excitement.

“Agatha, where are you?”

I frown at the way her voice sounds.

“I’m at a Halloween party. Why do you sound like that, like too serious?”

Nidhi sighs loudly and I start feeling uneasy. “Agatha, Nikhil died.”

I don’t know why but I start laughing at her. Surely I didn’t hear that correctly, right?

“You are kidding, right?”

I hear her sniffing and my eyes fill with tears as well. “No, Nick is dead. He killed himself three days ago. I know things weren’t good between you two but this is really shocking to know. His family is devastated. Mom and dad are….”

There is a long silence that is ringing loudly in my ears if that even is possible. My sister keeps talking but I don’t think I can listen to anything anymore. I feel numb and tears start rolling down my cheeks.

Nick is dead. He killed himself three days ago.

“Wait! What?” I utter out loud.

“I’m sorry Ag..”

“No, wait. What did you mean he killed himself three days ago?”

Surely that’s not possible. I just met him yesterday.

“He was found dead in his room three days ago. He slit his wrists. Oh my God, Agatha. There was so much blood…”

My mind starts racing a mile a minute and suddenly everything starts coming together.

My phone which I kept at the nightstand. The sweater that I didn’t pick. The constant tingling feeling at the nape of my neck. Nikhil’s sudden disappearance from the break room. And the waiter looking at me funnily because there I was sitting all alone but ordering for two.

I was wrong when I said that I have never felt more scared than that night. Because what I am feeling now is nothing compared to that. Suddenly I am chilled to my very bones, my hands starts shivering and I drop my phone with a loud clatter. I am even dreading to fill my lungs with air that are all vacant now.

And then there is that tingling again.

I turn and sure there he is.

Nikhil.

Nick.

No, his ghost.

The way he smiles at me fills me with dread and leaves me quivering badly.

“I am not letting you go, Agatha. Now answer this.”

My tears feel like cold ice water running down my face. My eyes wide and I don’t think I blinked even once. A sob is stuck in my throat and so is a loud scream. But I lose my struggle when he asks me the question that I am terrified of the most.

“Do you love me?”